InsaneJournal

Prompt #5 What is my greatest fear.

I guess there’s a lot of little things I’m scared of that I really shouldn’t be, It’s not like maggots can kill me after all, but they sure as hell make my skin crawl.

Everyone thinks I should be scared of fire, I’m not though, I actually kind of like it. Brandon thinks I like it a bit to much but that’s him being his stuffy English self.

There are two things that really scare me, as in wake me up in the middle of the night screaming scare me.

Number one is obvious, becoming a zombie and attacking my family and friends. Zombie part not so much, yeah it would suck lemons and limes but I figure I won’t be there, in my body anymore right? But me, Lucius and everyone has already had to kill Mom, Dad and to many friends.

I don’t want him to have to kill me too.

Number two is also obvious if you know me and how much I worry about my meds. I’m scared that one day, one of the days when I’m a bit loopy because I’ve run out of pills, that I’ll do something stupid, like leaving the entrance to the castle car park unlocked, that I would let the horde in and get everyone killed and it would be my fault.

Lucius said it would never happen, that there are big loud guard dogs for a reason, and everyone always double checks the locks at the end of their shifts anyway.

He wasn’t the one who noticed the open padlock on the car park gate that day.
He wasn’t the one who found our father keys on his belt, his skin cold and grey as he tried to eat Glen after we came back from looting one of the cities.
If things hadn’t just gone from fucked to even more fucked that day I would have had broken down babbling and Lucius would have figured out. I remember once Glen recorded my babbling and played it back when I was a little saner, it made no sense to me, but Lucius understood it. I guess that says something for how well he looks after me.

Which is why I’ll never tell him about how that day was dad’s fault. Or at least I’m trying not to, I’m kind of worried about babbling that little secret out one day.

. . .mmmm . . .

So I’m scared of killing Lucius, disappointing Lucius, or even just upsetting him with bad news?

. . . . .

Maybe Sun was on to something when she said she’d rather put up with Lucius’ ex-girlfriends rather than his crazy scary stalker sister.

But maybe it says something about how I try to look after him, and I’m scared of failing him?

You know lets just scrap all that and say I’m scared of maggots huh? Gives me less of a headache.